Despair eats at my soul.

I give in to the pain.

No more will I be whole,

Or believe I am sane.

Breaking from within, I see

Hurt not yet discovered.

The hurt envelops me,

Never to recover.

Giving in to despair,

I fall into the ash.

No fire burns in here.

The heart and soul clash.

Written in February 27, 1998



My pain I just could not deny. 

It hurt to not be at his side. 

Rebellion was not my intent. 

And if guilty, I do repent. 

Submission is my heart’s desire,

Even after he called me. “Liar.” 

He thinks I practice witchery,

And I do not, obviously. 

He practices hypocrisy, 

And with that, he would not agree. 

Lashing out at one another

Has accomplished merely nothing. 

The problems remain unresolved. 

The young wreak havoc due to cause. 

We should not be divided. 

Through this, we must stand united, 

But when all hell’s broken loose, 

There comes a time you have to choose. 

Someone must make the sacrifice,

The price to pay for being nice. 

Since I am the scapegoat in this,

I know now just what he can kiss. 

Written on February 17, 1999


“Explosive Emotions”

Pain builds to a point when it explodes. 

Emotions override our thoughts,

And our actions seem to matter not.


One may not even mean to hurt another. 

Emotions may just cause dramatic twists;

And therefore, can one be held accountable for this?

One’s perceptions are distorted by emotions. 

In desperation, one expresses his feelings,

And all the while, the heart breaks as one tries to reason.


Even good intentions can prove to be a downfall. 

Wanting to help others can bring you too close. 

Those unwilling to help themselves are like a drug overdose.


We become a ball of explosive emotions 

Failure to control them ultimately destroys us  

And our ability to recognize what Love is. 


Written on February 4, 1996


“My Teddy Bear”

My Teddy Bear, Oh, My Teddy Bear,

Won’t you play with my Teddy Bear?

I’m mesmerized by its eyes in which I stare

I’m not sure really why but I truly care

To know what it sees when it looks at me

I see its soul when I look at it

Deep down inside, a large pit

Of havoc, death and disaster

Just the kind of fun that I’m after

My Teddy Bear, Oh, My Teddy Bear,

Won’t you play with my Teddy Bear?

Oh, hug me back, my Teddy Bear

There are many goals that we share

You’re so naughty, not so nice

There’s something about that I really like

Share with me your heart’s desires

As I, too, shall share mine

Something tells me we will be happy

And get along just fine

My Teddy Bear, Oh, My Teddy Bear,

Won’t you play with my…

Wait! What are you doing? 

I see a sparkle in your eye

I want us to be friends. 

Can you not tell me why?






My Teddy Bear, Oh, My Teddy Bear,

You’ve my heart on your dinner platter

Written on 10/30/2021



Stared into my soul and 

Saw the devil there

My mind embraces all horror

And doesn’t care

My mind’s twisted, hands fisted

Arms scarred, heart’s charred

Tackle life like it’s no holds barred

My soul envelops the evil

And longs to share

My soul’s longing, for belonging

Long for harming, so alarming

Destroy a life while being charming

My lungs breathe for the immoral

And feel no shame

My lungs expanding, a throat slashing

Engaging in the sinful, on a spinful

As I lavish in the bloody skinful

With a spirit that is just disdainful

Written on October 29, 2021


“I Like To Live Dangerously”

I like to live dangerously

I play with knives

With sharp blades

And with guns

With live rounds

Like they’re toys.

With one live round,

I put the gun to my head

Just to hear the noise.

I take the blade across

My lily white skin

Just to see crimson on my shin.

A line across my abdomen

Cutting my way through

All my sins.

I place the gun and knife 

Into my lap

As I draw the water

For my final bath.

Contemplating suicide

With the options, just so wide.

Grab the bottle of pills 

To help me sleep

Get in the tub

With the blow dryer

At my feet.

Perfect planning

To kick it in the tub with me

Oh, shucks, mom has caught me,

But damn, do I like to live dangerously

Written on 10/30/2021


“American Dream”

Head hangs

Feels strange

People looting the 

Stores like they’re 


Eyes open

I’m broken

Unsettled in this

Life of the new


Head aches

Hands shake

Struggling for every 

Dime that you 


This life isn’t what I had pictured for me; This life, damn sure, isn’t what I had dreamed. 

Back pain

Shirt stain

Working masked up to

Prevent the next 


Sore feet

Less meat

Dealing with climate 

Change and this


Arms sore

Closed doors

Prices increase and

Continue to


This life isn’t what I had pictured for me; This life, damn sure, isn’t what I had dreamed.

Emotional low

Blow after blow

Whether to take the 

Vaccine or no

Crazy year

Eyes of tears

Watching the news for

Something good to


We wait

We have faith

Knowing everything is on God’s plate. 

Wind blows

God knows

Believing this isn’t our country’s fate

This life isn’t what I had pictured for me; This life, damn sure, isn’t the American dream.

Written on October 6, 2021


“When It’s Time to Collect”

Hair of black,

Eyes of stone

Body of twisted metal and bone.

Once alive and vibrant and full of dreams,

Now cold and pale in your dark blue jeans.

When small truck meets large truck

In a terrifying dead stop,

Unexpected, as it was,

The metal, the beams, the glass

All dropped.

Down through the windshield

With the speed and force of a god.

Smashing, glass breaking, blood dripping

No stop.

Along the side of the car, he waits.

Patiently, not in haste.

Ready to take what now is his

He reaches in to touch your lips.

Cold as ice.

No, there’s no life.

Off with me, you go.

For the reasons you already know.

He grabs her throat and twists her head,

And laughs as he says, “Yes, she’s dead.”

She awakens and screams in horror

As she sees that the car is 50 feet below her.

She tries to fight and get away,

But there’s no fighting him now. It’s your day.

And unfortunately, there’s hell to pay.

Written on September 24, 2018


“The Hollow” 

Enveloped by this hollow world—

Loneliness fills the space. 

Crying out for one who understands,

I long for one to take my hand, yet no one comes. 

My heart breaks and the tears fall—

Resentment has set in.

Shouting against all that is unfair,

I rebuke those who do not care, yet no one hears. 

The wall built and stronghold established—

Bitterness takes root. 

Hurting from excruciating pain,

I withdraw into myself to never be the same, yet no one knows. 

Written on February 17, 1994


“I’m Shy”

I’m Shy, Shy

You walked by me and said hi, Walked


Same man making me feel stalked, Grabbed


Threatened me you would stab, Clap


I felt the sting of every slap, Change


Shakin’ my head, feeling deranged, Prayer


I seduced you in your own lair, Wait


I lured you in with my own bait, Wink


I took you to the very brink, Cries


Who now determines who dies? Dead


I put your gun to your forehead, POW!


Quarter inch hole above your left brow, Done,


Guess you know now who won, Still

Shy, Shy

Although not sure really why

Written on October 22, 2021