DISDAINFUL

“Disdainful”

Stared into my soul and 

Saw the devil there

My mind embraces all horror

And doesn’t care

My mind’s twisted, hands fisted

Arms scarred, heart’s charred

Tackle life like it’s no holds barred

My soul envelops the evil

And longs to share

My soul’s longing, for belonging

Long for harming, so alarming

Destroy a life while being charming

My lungs breathe for the immoral

And feel no shame

My lungs expanding, a throat slashing

Engaging in the sinful, on a spinful

As I lavish in the bloody skinful

With a spirit that is just disdainful

Written on October 29, 2021

I LIKE TO LIVE DANGEROUSLY

“I Like To Live Dangerously”

I like to live dangerously

I play with knives

With sharp blades

And with guns

With live rounds

Like they’re toys.

With one live round,

I put the gun to my head

Just to hear the noise.

I take the blade across

My lily white skin

Just to see crimson on my shin.

A line across my abdomen

Cutting my way through

All my sins.

I place the gun and knife 

Into my lap

As I draw the water

For my final bath.

Contemplating suicide

With the options, just so wide.

Grab the bottle of pills 

To help me sleep

Get in the tub

With the blow dryer

At my feet.

Perfect planning

To kick it in the tub with me

Oh, shucks, mom has caught me,

But damn, do I like to live dangerously

Written on 10/30/2021

AMERICAN DREAM

“American Dream”

Head hangs

Feels strange

People looting the 

Stores like they’re 

Deranged 

Eyes open

I’m broken

Unsettled in this

Life of the new

Woken

Head aches

Hands shake

Struggling for every 

Dime that you 

Make

This life isn’t what I had pictured for me; This life, damn sure, isn’t what I had dreamed. 

Back pain

Shirt stain

Working masked up to

Prevent the next 

Strain

Sore feet

Less meat

Dealing with climate 

Change and this

Heat

Arms sore

Closed doors

Prices increase and

Continue to

Soar

This life isn’t what I had pictured for me; This life, damn sure, isn’t what I had dreamed.

Emotional low

Blow after blow

Whether to take the 

Vaccine or no

Crazy year

Eyes of tears

Watching the news for

Something good to

Hear

We wait

We have faith

Knowing everything is on God’s plate. 

Wind blows

God knows

Believing this isn’t our country’s fate

This life isn’t what I had pictured for me; This life, damn sure, isn’t the American dream.

Written on October 6, 2021

WHEN IT’S TIME TO COLLECT

“When It’s Time to Collect”

Hair of black,

Eyes of stone

Body of twisted metal and bone.

Once alive and vibrant and full of dreams,

Now cold and pale in your dark blue jeans.

When small truck meets large truck

In a terrifying dead stop,

Unexpected, as it was,

The metal, the beams, the glass

All dropped.

Down through the windshield

With the speed and force of a god.

Smashing, glass breaking, blood dripping

No stop.

Along the side of the car, he waits.

Patiently, not in haste.

Ready to take what now is his

He reaches in to touch your lips.

Cold as ice.

No, there’s no life.

Off with me, you go.

For the reasons you already know.

He grabs her throat and twists her head,

And laughs as he says, “Yes, she’s dead.”

She awakens and screams in horror

As she sees that the car is 50 feet below her.

She tries to fight and get away,

But there’s no fighting him now. It’s your day.

And unfortunately, there’s hell to pay.

Written on September 24, 2018

THE HOLLOW

“The Hollow” 

Enveloped by this hollow world—

Loneliness fills the space. 

Crying out for one who understands,

I long for one to take my hand, yet no one comes. 

My heart breaks and the tears fall—

Resentment has set in.

Shouting against all that is unfair,

I rebuke those who do not care, yet no one hears. 

The wall built and stronghold established—

Bitterness takes root. 

Hurting from excruciating pain,

I withdraw into myself to never be the same, yet no one knows. 

Written on February 17, 1994

I’M SHY

“I’m Shy”

I’m Shy, Shy

You walked by me and said hi, Walked

Walked

Same man making me feel stalked, Grabbed

Grabbed

Threatened me you would stab, Clap

Clap,

I felt the sting of every slap, Change

Change,

Shakin’ my head, feeling deranged, Prayer

Prayer,

I seduced you in your own lair, Wait

Wait,

I lured you in with my own bait, Wink

Wink,

I took you to the very brink, Cries

Cries,

Who now determines who dies? Dead

Dead, 

I put your gun to your forehead, POW!

POW!,

Quarter inch hole above your left brow, Done,

Done,

Guess you know now who won, Still

Shy, Shy

Although not sure really why

Written on October 22, 2021

CAPTIVE

“Captive”

Dark

Night

Low 

Light

Burn

Bright

Straps

Tight

Full

Might

Must

Escape

From

This

Hell

Tonight

Heart

Races

Hound

Chases

Many 

Faces

Just 

One

Of 

Several

Cases

So

Weak

Future

Bleak

Damn 

Freak

Tossed

My

Body

In

A

Nearby

Creek

Cold

Eyes

Lids

Rise

Life 

Dies

After

Several

Tries

Written on October 20, 2021

HELL IS MY PLAYGROUND

“Hell is My Playground” 

Hell is My Playground

My Merry Go Round of fun

My see saw sees all I’ve sawed

I feel like I’m at a wicked carnival!

Accomplishing the horrible

I swing real high to see the sights

Bullies, Murderers, Thieves, oh my,

The ferris wheel gives me a better view

Of exactly what we’ve done to you

Carving, slicing, dicing, knifing

Wailing, screaming, begging, crying,

Oh, Hell is My Playground

And you’re stuck on my Merry Go Round

Yes, Hell is My Playground

Come get stuck on my Merry Go Round

Written on December 27, 2018

AN AMERICAN HERO

“An American Hero” 

Run, Run, Run,

Faster, Faster,

Carry that flag and run. 

Run, Run, Run, Faster, Faster!

Stripes bleed, stars blur, blue runs. 

Run, Run, Run! Faster! Faster!

     Towards that steep hill,

     Towards that raging sea,

     Towards that twisted metal and steel. 

Run! Run! Run!

Faster! Faster!

Towards the fallen,

Run, Run, Run! 

Carry that flag and gun!

Written on June 12, 2018

I WANT TO BE AN ALBATROSS

“I Want To Be An Albatross” 

I want to be an albatross and travel the land, 

Flying high, diving low,

Going across the waters,

Going as far as I can.

I want to be an albatross instead of a man.

I want to be an albatross and experience freedom,

Soaring here, sailing there,

Going where I wish,

Going as someone.

I want to be an albatross instead of a victim.

I want to be an albatross and make my own decisions,

Saying yes, replying no,

Going along if I desire

Going home as I envision.

I want to be an albatross instead of someone’s mission.

I want to be an albatross and sail more than the seven seas,

Shouting for joy, singing for praise,

Going through my thoughts

Going away from hypocrisy.

I want to be an albatross instead of their analyses.

I want to be an albatross and live life in good health,

Knowing right, knowing wrong,

Going forward from the closet,

Going upward on the shelf.

I want to be an albatross instead of being myself.

Written on October 13, 1993