THE DROWNING

“The Drowning” 

Silently, I lurk inside

Trying to break free. 

Desperately, I search my mind

Who is the real me?

I reach for her

And call her name. 

She turns in fear 

and runs away. 

“Come out, my child,

You shall not be harmed. 

The world is mild. 

Do not be alarmed.”

But still she just does not come near. 

Just drowns in all her falling tears. 

Written on February 24, 1998

UNTIL I AM ALONE

“Until I am Alone” 

My loneliness not compared 

My heart’s feelings suppressed

Interaction hides my heartbreak, 

     At least for a little while,

     Until I am alone again

And seemingly without friends. 

My broken heart not repaired 

My mind’s severely stressed

Distractions conceal my heartache, 

     At least for the present

     Until I am alone again

And seemingly without solutions. 

My disappointment not recognized

My problem’s not addressed

Diversions prevent my heartlessness,

     At least for the meantime, 

     Until I am alone again

And seemingly without amends. 

Written on February 25, 1994

THE DARKNESS

“The Darkness” 

Inside the heart lives a darkness there.

It seeps out and even gives me a scare.

Sometimes, creepy and nervous and all fidgety

Wanting to grab you in your time of need.

Blacker and darker,

Not gray any longer.

Creepier and stronger,

Crying even harder.

The darkness surrounds me.

It’s everywhere!

It’s everywhere!

I cannot help it now but to feel scared!

I open my mouth wide to scream,

And quickly, 

The darkness disappears

Back inside of me.

 Written on September 21, 2018

TOUCHED BY GRACE

“Touched by Grace” 

Toss all my hurt, my pain, my fear,

     into the abyss.

All of which brought about 

     by one simple kiss.

Release me from this empty shell 

     and set free my soul.

With the wave of Your hand, 

     my heart, my mind, made whole.

No more will I wallow in tears, 

     the burden is too much.

For by Your grace I am freed

     by Your sovereign touch.

Written on February 27, 1998

BIAS

“Bias”

It is the slightest difference you notice and feel about one who is otherwise equal to another.

It is the subconscious working during every conscious action.

It lingers under the surface in every major decision.

We try to overcome it by just being aware of its existence but to no avail.

We think we have beaten it when we make a decision only to find it reared its ugly head after all.

We hire someone setting it aside, but we find we treat them differently and just can’t help how we think or feel about them.

Yes, it knows it has its hold on us and keeps us underneath its fist.

To truly break free from its hold, one must build a relationship with it.

Written on July 24, 2018

IT

“It”

It has no name

It has no face

It has no form

It loves a chase

You can try to run

You can try to hide

But It sees everywhere

And It knows everything

It comes for you

With only one intent

To scare from you

What life you have left

You are a sacrifice to It

Which has seen your inner abyss

The place where you hide

Your deepest held fears

It can go there

And from within,

It draws you out

Like fear is sin

It punishes you

For what you can’t control

It works on you

‘Til it takes Its toll

Then, like a slaughtered lamb

It finishes you off, and

Leaves a once warm body

With cold feet and cold hands.

Written on November 18, 2018

WHEN IT COMES

“When It Comes” 

You are creeping along my floor.

You are hanging on my wall.

You are lying on my ceiling.

You have bolted my doors.

You poke at me in the darkness.

I am filled with terror.

Your hand lays upon my shoulder.

I regret my life’s errors.

I feel your nails dig in deep, 

Pressing into my flesh.

I feel your head near mine,

On my ear, your cold breath.

I beg. I plead. I apologize.

I scream. I cry out. I even lie.

“I’ll give you my soul but not today.

Come back and take it on another date.”

It screeches so loudly.

I cover my ears.

It’s eyes turn red. 

I fill with fear.

It grabs me by the neck. 

It’s intentions clear.

And just like that, 

It disappears.

Written on September 22, 2018

COLLISION

“Collision” 

Despair eats at my soul.

I give in to the pain.

No more will I be whole,

Or believe I am sane.

Breaking from within, I see

Hurt not yet discovered.

The hurt envelops me,

Never to recover.

Giving in to despair,

I fall into the ash.

No fire burns in here.

The heart and soul clash.

Written in February 27, 1998

JUST

“Just”

My pain I just could not deny. 

It hurt to not be at his side. 

Rebellion was not my intent. 

And if guilty, I do repent. 

Submission is my heart’s desire,

Even after he called me. “Liar.” 

He thinks I practice witchery,

And I do not, obviously. 

He practices hypocrisy, 

And with that, he would not agree. 

Lashing out at one another

Has accomplished merely nothing. 

The problems remain unresolved. 

The young wreak havoc due to cause. 

We should not be divided. 

Through this, we must stand united, 

But when all hell’s broken loose, 

There comes a time you have to choose. 

Someone must make the sacrifice,

The price to pay for being nice. 

Since I am the scapegoat in this,

I know now just what he can kiss. 

Written on February 17, 1999

EXPLOSIVE EMOTIONS

“Explosive Emotions”

Pain builds to a point when it explodes. 

Emotions override our thoughts,

And our actions seem to matter not.

 

One may not even mean to hurt another. 

Emotions may just cause dramatic twists;

And therefore, can one be held accountable for this?

One’s perceptions are distorted by emotions. 

In desperation, one expresses his feelings,

And all the while, the heart breaks as one tries to reason.

 

Even good intentions can prove to be a downfall. 

Wanting to help others can bring you too close. 

Those unwilling to help themselves are like a drug overdose.

 

We become a ball of explosive emotions 

Failure to control them ultimately destroys us  

And our ability to recognize what Love is. 

 

Written on February 4, 1996