LOSING CONTROL

“Losing Control”

I’m losing control.

I stand here, all bold.

Don’t push. I’ll explode.

Your heartbeat perturbs me.

Your voice just unnerves me.

Your attitude disturbs me. 

I’m losing control! 

I punch, I grasp.

With rock, I smash. 

Your head is mashed. 

I’ve lost all control!

Gripping you by your hair,

Dragging you down the stairs,

About you, I just can not care.

I have lost all of my control. 

This, I have already told 

To you and to the young and old. 

I can not let you free again. 

You’re a danger to my family and friends. 

So locked up is where you will stay

Because there is no other way.

Written on 10/31/2026

HUNGER

“Hunger”

I’m lying here and feeling hunger pains.

I don’t know how long it has been since we have eaten.

I hear my stomach growl once again, and my teeth ache all through my mouth.

I’m tired of feeling hungry all the time.

These people should feed us more often than they do.

We deserve better, my roommate and I.

She used to lie over there and just cry.

I haven’t heard any tears falling in a while.

But she’s still in her bed with her back towards me.

I guess she’s not up for talking or anything.

But I’m hungry and I know that she must be,

So I climb from my bed to go over and see. 

I find that she is bleeding from a big hole in her stomach. 

I call out for help,

But they just say, “Shut up, food’s coming!”

Ow, how my back hurts as if it could break,

And I’m still waiting on this place to tend to my toothaches.

My hunger sends me into convulsions again. 

I’m on the floor on all fours, and my hunger becomes insatiable.

I crawl over to my roommate and take a look,

And then quickly shove my face deep into her gut,

Where I eat until my hunger passes. 

My body changes and I’m me again.

At that moment, the door opens, and two trays are slid inside.

Both contain a bowl of porridge.

I take the bowls and flush the contents down the commode, knowing that the Headmaster will only check for empty bowls.

I return the bowls to the tray and line the trays up by the door.

The Headmaster takes the trays, checks nothing else, does nothing more.

I, of course, am now tucked in tightly in my bed.

I was tucked in by my roommate, naturally.

She is such a good friend to me, but only at night.

Because come tomorrow morning’s light,

she’ll ignore me again,

as our hunger pains set in.

WHEN THE END TIME COMES

“When the End Time Comes”

My chest is open

My heart is bare

Red and raw

But you don’t care

You smash it

You beat it

You tear it apart

You don’t even notice

Just how much it’s scarred.

Each word that you say

Is a punch to the face

You don’t need your hands

To cause my red face

I am your partner, your lover, you say

But your actions cause nothing but sadness, dismay

Leave. Stay. No. I pray.

Never knowing the answer to that each day

What do I want? What do I do?

Can’t even decide if I’m afraid of you

I think I am, sometimes, ya know,

The pain you cause runs deep below

All of the nice things you’ve ever said

Can’t make up for when I’ve wished I was dead

Leave me. Quit waiting on me. Just go.

Then things would get better for me, ya know

Stop waiting on me to walk out the door.

I’m not going to do it. I’ll fall to this floor.

There’s no strength in me to just get up and leave

I just have to hope you will and believe

What is it you say about my beliefs?

That’s all that offers me a sense of relief.

Go. I’m tired. Please get out of here.

“Not ‘til you cross into hell, my dear.”

Written on 7/11/18

CREEPY CRAWLIES

“Creepy Crawlies”

Who is it?

Who’s there?

Answer me.

You are where?

I feel something crawling underneath my skin

Eating at me from within

I scratch.

I claw.

I bleed.

I’m raw.

Get out of me. I yell at you.

You’re in my head. I’ve not a clue.

Just how it is I get rid of you.

You’re messing with my head, ya see

Crawling around inside my brain

I can not learn to live with thee

You’re driving me mad, driving me insane

The rubbing, scratching, clawing, the shame

I really will be okay

See, they have already gone away

Until they come back again another day

Wait!

Who is it?

Who’s there?

Answer me.

You are where?

Written on 2/21/19

GOTHIC HORROR AUTHOR STEPS INTO SPOTLIGHT

As a gothic horror author, I spend a great deal of time creating frightening worlds on the page. This October, I decided to step into a different kind of spotlight by entering the 2026 Face of Halloween competition.

Writing allows me to explore the darker side of imagination, but participating in a competition like this gives me a chance to connect with people who share an appreciation for Halloween, horror, and all things delightfully spooky.

My books explore supernatural forces, ancient evil, and the dangerous secrets hidden behind ordinary appearances. Halloween seems like a fitting time to celebrate the genre that has inspired so much of my writing.

I’m also discovering that putting yourself out there as an independent author can be an adventure in its own right. Every new connection is an opportunity to meet someone who might enjoy my stories, discover my poetry, or simply share a love of gothic horror.

I’m P.S. Kessell, author of the It That Has No Name trilogy, and I’m enjoying this unexpected part of my October.

If you’d like to follow my Face of Halloween journey, you can find my entry here:

Https://faceofhalloween.org/2026/pamela-kessell

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to visit, vote, or offer encouragement. Your support means a great deal to me!

A BEAUTIFUL BLUE

“A Beautiful Blue”

Just under your skin are some pretty blue lines

I would love to explore them if you don’t mind. 

A beautiful blue in every way,

Perfect to play with if I may say. 

I dig in to find that perfect blue hue,

Digging and digging inside of you. 

But all I can find is this red, sloppy mess,

That’s covering you now from your knees to your chest. 

Give me that pretty blue line right now, I demand. 

You’re not helping at all, just a twitch in your hand. 

I won’t give up 

until I have my strings,

And the peace and joy that the blue color brings. 

But each and every time, it turns an ugly red. 

I just don’t understand it. 

Are you playing dead?

Get up and help me. 

I really want to play. 

But you do not move an inch,

And not a word do you say. 

I’m digging and I’m digging and I’m digging some more. 

I can not take it anymore and bang my head upon the floor. 

I look down on my legs and notice just beneath my skin

Pretty blue lines, I’d like to play with them. 

Written on October 17, 2026

SOUL SEARCHING

“Soul Searching”

Look into your soul is what I’d like to do.

Peel back its layers and take just a peek.

No, I’m not crazy; I just want to see!

To stare into the darkness to see what I’d find,

To see what has caused such a troubled young mind,

To spot the thing that has made you go mad,

Might save you from a lifetime of being so sad,

There’s anger, bitterness, jealousy in there

Fiery rage, disappointment, futility, despair.

I thought I wanted to see, but I don’t want to anymore.

Your emotions are on overload and are about to explode.

I take back what I said! I don’t want to see anymore!

But it’s too late now! Hell has opened its front door! 

Written on 8/15/19

SEEDS OF DARKNESS

“Seeds of Darkness”

I have a hole inside of me

I pick at it so I can see

I scratch it and pick and scratch it some more

So much inside that I just abhor

It’s getting bigger

and sometimes it bleeds

and inside I find little, black seeds

Seeds of darkness planted there

Where they can grow and fester and swell

I have this hole inside of me

And it has grown as wide and as deep as a well

I pick at it so it’s infected

Poison from the outside world injected

I have a hole inside of me

It would just drain if I’d let it be

But I pick at it, I always do

Because it itches, I’m telling you

I have a hole inside of me

At which I’ll pick and pick endlessly

I have a hole; it’s big you see

Do you want to pick with me?

I’ll pick. It’ll drain. 

Seeds and puss. ‘Til no end.

I have a hole. I really do 

But so do many other men.

I have a hole inside of me 

And it’s growing, growing, grown. 

VENGEANCE

“Vengeance”

I reached inside and ripped out your heart

I stand here with it beating in my hands

Make one move towards me now, and

I’ll squeeze it just as hard as I can

Your time has come to suffer for your cruelty and your rage. 

That’s why I’m here to take a stand

I whip you and beat you for the hurt and pain you’ve caused. 

That’s still not enough; you took who I am.

I think I’ll put an end to you once and for all

I bit into your heart, and I ate it all. 

Your fiery rage now burns inside me once again. 

But you will never hurt another, to that I’ve put an end.  

Written on 8/11/20

LIKE A WILD ANIMAL

“Like a Wild Animal”

Forgotten

Lost and

Afraid

Shattered

Dreams

Drift 

Away

Loved

Once

In

Full

Embrace

Loved

Last

An 

Empty

Space

Splintered

Memories

Split

Skin

Slicing

Cutting and

Forgetting

Like a wild animal,

I consume my young

Written on 6/3/21